Just Another Day

April 9, 2008 - First, to answer all of the emails I've received, I am still here and (to the best of my knowledge) am still fine.

Today I did something that less than two years ago, I really wasn't sure I would be able to do. I celebrated my 37th birthday. It was uneventful really. My gift to myself was taking my son to a baseball game and having an opportunity to spend time with him... an opportunity to watch him enjoy being a kid. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend a day.

I feel like the concept of 'birthday' has changed for me. In a way, I think it should no longer be about the day that I was born but more about the day I was re-born. By that I mean the day I ended my treatments and began the long process of recovery because for someone with cancer, its at that moment that life begins anew. That is the anniversary we should celebrate because between each one is a year's worth of days no longer taken for granted. A birthday should be a celebration of life not a subtle reminder that we are inching ever closer to our eventual deaths.

But inch ever closer we do. I think that on the milestone birthdays especially, (30, 40, 50, etc.) the natural tendency is to look back and realize how quickly the years have passed. When time becomes the most precious commodity as it is for those with cancer, the realization of how quickly it passes is heightened tremendously. A day passed is a day lost. But at the same time, for me the next three years feels like an eternity that I long to be able to put behind me so I can reach the coveted 5 year cancer-free mark. It is truly a strange paradox.

For now though, I'll enjoy what's left of my day.