It's been 10 years since I was diagnosed with Head and Neck Squamous Cell Carcinoma... cancer. I started this blog to share the many emotions, fears, experiences and, hopefully, triumphs that I will face throughout this journey. I have two goals for this blog, 1. To gain some degree of personal therapeutic benefit and, 2. To help others who may one day face a similar struggle by detailing the process of diagnosis, treatment and recovery so that they may know what to expect.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Waiting

August 8, 2006 - So now I wait. Everything has been finalized, my radiation schedule, my chemo decision (I've decided to go with Erbitux), and my doctors. But I'm one week away from getting started and I'm very anxious. I'll use this week to do some much needed catch-up at work but I can't help but feel I'm wasting valuable time.

Waiting makes you paranoid. It makes you notice things that aren't there and magnifies the things that are. A little pain in my side becomes kidney cancer and an ache in my leg means it has spread to the bone. I wonder about the dynamics of cancer. How long does it take to spread? Where would it go first? Since both infected lymph nodes in my were removed, would it spread to the remaining nodes in that area first or does it get to jump straight to other parts of my body now that it has already completed that step? These are the rambling thoughts of an unoccupied mind.

Since it's been about three weeks since my surgery, I guess this would be a good time to update everyone on how I'm feeling. All in all, I feel good. I'm eating more (although I can't seem to gain any weight since switching to this whole foods diet) and I started working out again. The pain from the surgery has subsided and what remains is tolerable though at times, annoying. The skin on the left side of my chest and along my left jawline is very sensitive and almost feels as though it's been badly sunburned. I attribute this to being stretched as a result of the incision but that is purely a guess. Anything touching it like my shirt, a seatbelt, etc... is uncomfortable. Swallowing is still a bit uncomfortable as well but not because of the sore throat. That's gone. Now it's the muscles around my throat that control swallowing that I feel. But it's not bad. Despite a little residual stiffness, I've regained full range of motion in my neck.

The area around both incisions extending up to and including my left ear and down to my left shoulder is still quite numb. It's really a strange sensation to not be able to feel something touching you although every now and then I will feel a tickle in this area as though a spider were crawling on me or a quick shooting pain that feel like a surge of electricity. I suspect this is part of the healing process.

The incisions themselves look quite good which is a testament to both the skill of my surgeon and my ability to heal quickly. I've been applying copious amounts of vitamin E lotion to the area to improve the elasticity around the incisions and reduce the raised scar tissue. I'm sure I'll always have a scar and that's ok. I want it. Every time I look in the mirror it will serve as a reminder to live life the right way. Plus, I'm sure it will pale in comparison to the psychological scar that cancer leaves.

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